(this author’s story and opinions)

From the very start I want to make clear that, in my view, the Church of Scientology is, beyond any doubt, a rotten and suppressive organization.

No, I do not talk about the single member on staff who tries his or her best to accomplish the goals that are still officially on the books – as far as I can see, the rot is coming down the lines and the changes implemented over the last two to three decades have established this rot firmly in place.

I will tell the story of how I reached this conviction. It is important to note that this has nothing really to do with the prime purpose of this site, which is, in scientologese, to do my doubt formula about Mr. Hubbard. This story is about the Cof$ and not about the man who established it. There is some circumstantial significance about the man himself in this story, as such a rotten church should not be possible, had the tech been really that flawless as the founder claimed.

But it is still possible. We have two examples where the same happened – Christianity and Buddhism. Both religions, as they exist today, have nothing to do with the teachings of their gurus.

• A personal encounter – in this galaxy, but still a long time ago…

I met David Miscarriage (misspelling intended) only once in person. I might have seen him speak at an event or two but I do not count that as a personal encounter.

I heard his name first about half a year after he started to come out of the closet – I mean – appearing in public. During the celebration/announcement of LRH’s death in 1986 at the big auditorium at Universal City, I heard him speak, but that experience was rather irrelevant for me.

A few month later I was on the RPF (the Scientology labor camp) and even though I had fallen into disgrace (for the moment, I thought), I still considered myself an upstanding Sea Org member just as Mr. Miscavige. Normally, when on the RPF, you take the stairs – elevators are off limits. But, as I was not very nimble on my feet, I had special permission to ride the elevators. One of these rides I took together with the dude who is now the unchallenged leader of the Cof$.

Boy, is this guy ugly!

I don’t mean in the physical sense – I refer to oozing of evil intentions, being an ugly soul. Usually, I have a very clear perception of what’s going on inside a person. It’s not reading thoughts, it’s more of an empathy wavelength. Even though now all my certs have been revoked, that did diddly-squad to my abilities – I still have them, even without the certs.

So, this guy there, riding the elevator with me, is a sea org member just like me. Admittedly he was in good standing and I was not, but we were both members of a “group of OTs, working on a common goal.”

Yet, he was there with a forced ‘relaxedness’ and an incredible arrogance, wearing – and displaying it – a golden Rolex. Even then I wondered briefly how he could afford that on 30 bucks a week – after all, he was a sea org member just like me, yes? He might have some bonuses due to him, but his base pay would still be 30 Dollars.

Shortly after that, I routed out of the Sea Org, after the RTC had confirmed that the justice action, that had culminated in my assignment to the RPF, was all proper. I had “parked” on the RPF with the expressed intention to only stay there to allow the RTC to review my justice action and to correct it. It was clear to all that I was not there to ‘redeem’ myself. As I’m not the guy who just accepts wrong conditions, off  I went after the highest organization, the RTC, confirmed that I was, indeed, pretty close to a suppressive person. I accepted to be robbed of salvation for all eternity, but at least I left with my integrity intact.

Here, as an interlude, a word about the generally accepted difficulty to leave the church – it is NOT difficult. What might make it difficult is self-doubt. But I had none (which clearly showed to some that I really was an anti-social person) and so it was very easy to get out. I did go through the motion of routing out, but after that the security chief, Hank, even drove me to the airport. All these dramatic experiences you can read about, of being restrained and beaten – they are only possible because of the ‘dog-effect’ – the mechanism that the dog that senses your fear will bark and bite. If there is no fear there is no problem – same as in the church. I can only assume that all those escapees must have flunked their tone 40 drills, because let’s be honest, most of those staff members are poorly trained amateurs – despite their daily mantra of being the chosen ones.

Back to my main story. This short encounter with the COB, probably less than a minute, certainly showed me that the Cof$ was now in the wrong hands for sure. It had dawned on me before. I had seen rot at the mission in Frankfurt, Germany, years before, and I had actually joined the Sea Org because I could not imagine that the center of this path to spiritual freedom could possibly be so badly off track as I had observed at the outskirts. Joining the Sea Org had, n fact, been intended to be part of a doubt formula – a real one, not one with a pre-conceived outcome.

At that point, I knew that the church was rotten at the core.

• Attempts to redeem myself

The state of being robbed of salvation for all eternity did not last very long. It was probably just a few month until I had hooked up with the free zone and was going up the bridge much faster than I could have ever hoped for while being in the sea org.

But the fact that I had introduced my (now ex-) wife into this group, and that she was still trapped in there, made me feel a bit guilty. The best prisons are those in which the inmates police themselves and want to be incarcerated, and so my ex would not speak to me as I was now a suppressive person. The only way to remedy this, was to get back into good standing. The standard way for an SP to get back was closed to me. This path – doing the A to E steps – would have included  paying my free-loader bill, and I wasn’t going to give them any money, particularly after I had gotten back a check from FLAG for my unused OT levels. (YES, they did send me a check for several thousand dollars! I would have taken a photo had I only known what a rarity that once would become.)

[[A bit of an explanation: Beside my billion year contract I also signed an enforceable five-year contract. As a sea org member I got room and board, 25 bucks pay a week, as well as courses and auditing in exchange for my labor. Should I break this short-term contract, I would have to pay for all the service I received. These services included some rather ridiculous items. For example, in order to be able to drive the org’s van, I had to take the driving course. It did not matter that I had been driving for 20 years.  That course, would I have to pay for it, would probably set me back a thousand dollars. Also, all auditing received from another student, would be charged at the going rate – hmm – $900 an hour, or so. They never even bothered sending me my free-loader bill, but I could imagine that it would have been at least in the hundred grand range.]]

The only way I saw to get back into good standing without doing the official redemption path, was an attempt to get my SP declare lifed – I just wanted to get that SP declare out of the way so that I could speak to Karin. Not being eligible for auditing until any free-loader bill was paid was no concern of mine as I was happily going up the bridge with Captain Bill.

So, I got in touch with the international justice chief and requested my review. All looked good and I had the feeling that he really wanted to help me, but when the cycle went ‘up lines,’  it disappeared. I tried another time a few years later with exactly the same results.

I was lucky that my stint on Cof$ staff lasted only about a year so my post-church recovery was not very difficult as I had not lost touch with the real world. This rebuilding included getting married and having a son. During the times of pre-school and early school of my little son, I got involved with lots of Scientologists – their schools were just better than the ones run by the government or other churches. I kept my excommunication a secret but as I knew the lingo, everybody thought I was one of them.

I started the third attempt to get that SP declare out of the way. Not that I really needed to do so, as, due to really amateurish admin in the church, I had not been found out to be a declared enemy, out to destroy Scientology. But I always felt like a secret agent in enemy territory and so it was I who wanted to clear the air. Some of those Scientologist were great people and I did not want to have what’s called ‘withholds’ in scientologese –  and I also still had my ex in mind, and she would not have forgotten that I was, officially, a bad person.

I got in touch again with the international justice chief to get a new committee of evidence (the church’s version of a court case) to review my SP declare. This time I really pushed that cycle through – and it was a lot of effort. Several times, if I would not have nudged, again and again, the cycle would have been just dribbled away. After several years of (swift) justice, I finally had a comm-ev. Again it first looked good, but then during the approval process, the case dissipated after a verbal statement that it did not look good for me – and that I certainly was a suppressive person. The logic applied was mind-boggling.

At that point, I threw the towel, came out of the closet (as a suppressive) and as a result, my son – an honor student – was kicked out of the Delphi Academy Los Angeles.

The funniest and most revealing story happened a few weeks later. Three nicely dressed sea orgers came to my house, among them Richard Valle, the PAC justice chief himself, with whom I had worked on my comm-ev.

They had come to help me! Obviously, I thought it had something to do with my comm-ev and SP declare. It took me about an hour of talking to them to find out that this was not the case, they had come to sell me the new and improved David Miscarriage version of the Hubbard books! Sell holy scripture to me, an SP! I directly learned that, when money can be collected, policy does not apply. When I understood their real agenda, I sent them on their merry way, telling them that they can best help me by removing the SP declare and then I would consider their offer – – – OK, I lied, why would I buy DM’s books?

Believe it or not, the whole thing was still not over. Two years later I got another letter from Richard Valle. I guess stats had been down and a letter-writing had been initiated to boosts stats to get the Saturday off – or something to that effect.

I played along and told him, sure I would be delighted to get this handled to a completion -as the last comm-ev had not been properly completed. So we started a new comm-ev and this one went surprisingly fast, probably just a few month from the first letter to a final completion. The procedure turned out to be the same again: first meeting with the comm-ev looked really good – these people were good people who wanted to do the right thing! But the second meeting, I guess after briefing from some higher-ups, the tone was very different, accusing and not understanding anymore.

Darn, there must be something about me in the RTC books, high up in the hierarchy, showing that I am rather dangerous – – if I would only know what that is! Maybe I will once be the Anti-Christ – or better – Anti-Miscarriage, and will destroy the Cof$ and kick DM and his priests out of the temple.

Being honest, I have to say that DM and his minions are right about me as the church of Scientology is concerned – I am an enemy and all doubt that they are a suppressive group has been removed – and they are correct in seeing me as an SP towards them. But, besides writing this up here, I am not intending to become some kind of activist against them. They are just irrelevant and will eventually go out with a whimper.

They are just not worth the time – and I am actually getting over my guilt of having delivered my ex-wife Karin Griffith into their hands. It was, after all, her decision. I did though, admittedly, some extremely well-executed FSM work using the help button to convert her from a skeptic to a dedicated DMer.

To summarize: church = bad – confirmed.
But now I want to get that certainty about LRH and the tech as well.

Therefore this web site.